You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize