I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
