Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
