i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
