You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
