It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Never underestimate the power of titties
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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