She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
