I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
