The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
