Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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