Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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