Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
