I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
