Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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