Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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