wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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