I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
