Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
