My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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