i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
