i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
