I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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