her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
