How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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