I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
