He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
