is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
