Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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