Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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