im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
