We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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