wrigley field is MILF paradise
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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