All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
