return my video game
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
