he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
