Your face is a jimmy john
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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