how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
