its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
