dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
