Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
