Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
