My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize