i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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