Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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