I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
