you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
