when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
