I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
