We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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