PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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