You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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