Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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