I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Alive.
So much puke
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Randomize
