She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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