Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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