3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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