just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
