I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Say something about gay babies.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
