and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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