I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
