I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I love you.
Bad choice
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
