My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
