Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
