My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
